First Conversation Recorded When Disney Bought the Rights to Star Wars

Disney released the first conversation that was recorded on tape when they had bought the rights to Star Wars. Here is an excerpt:

SH1: Yeah, after seeing him turn Star Trek around, he’s the obvious choice.

PO1: Right? After that dreadful Next Generation crap for how many years.

SH1: OK, so here’s the plan. Remember how Harrison wanted to die in Jedi? Now we’ll give him his chance.

PO1: Wow, poor Leia. Sounds sad.

SH1: Not really. Even though they had that glorious ending in Jedi - even after such great iconic scenes like “I love you - I know”, and rescuing Han from carbonite, and “I won’t get in the way / he’s my brother” and all that sappy crap - no, Han and Leia went their separate ways a few years later, after having a kid.

PO1: Divorce?

SH1: Well… space divorce!

PO1: Ah. Hmm, no one will see that coming.

SH1: I know right? We’ll just blow off decades of fans wondering what life was like now that the Empire was defeated and Han and Leia confessed their love, etc. Nothing! They got old and he went back to a lowly life of smuggling.

PO1: Hmm, I’m not sure I like it. I mean when characters end on a really good note, like in Return of the Jedi, and then return some 30 odd years later ONLY to find out that life ended up totally sucking, how totally depressing.

SH1: No its not. Its great drama and writing.

PO1: If you say so. So you’re saying Han and Leia essentially divorced instead of happily ever after.

SH1: Not only that, but they first give birth to a temper tantrum-throwing idiot, who turns out to be influenced by his grandfather Darth Vader, and turns dark.

PO1: What??? How lame. Don’t we need a new villain, a new dark force inspired by the Emperor or something? Han’s very own son? Introduce a NEW dark force to reignite the empire, and have a new star WAR to fight.

SH1: Nope.

PO1: It sucks.

SH1: No it doesn’t. It will be great.

PO1: Maybe to people like you. But I don’t think fans will like it.

SH1: Plus we do have another new villain. He’s called Snoke. We will introduce him, shroud him in mystery, then kill him without reason or purpose just when he starts to get interesting.

PO1: Sounding SO lame. When do Han and Luke have scenes together?

SH1: Oh that. Well, they don’t.

PO1: They don’t what?

SH1: Have any scenes together.

PO1: WHAT!?!

SH1: Nope.

PO1: What kind of crap on the fans' heads, spit in the fans' faces is that?

SH1: What do you mean? Its drama.

PO1: Stop saying that. Its not drama. There is a certain expectation with Star Wars. Legions of fans saw them get married and live happily ever after. Luke becomes Han’s brother in law. They want to see Luke come over to Han and Leia's house for space tea and crumpets for a bit. Have some moments that ROTJ basically promised us. Some good times should have come after ROTJ, I mean the Empire was DEFEATED.. THEN have it go to hell with a new villain. But for God's sake, not Darth's grandson. I hate it.

SH1: Well then its a good thing you don’t have any influence on it. The studio heads here at Disney know what they are doing, and they know what the public wants out of new Star Warses.

PO1: You mean like Giler and Hill knew what they were doing when they did Alien3?

SH1: What do you mean?

PO1: Nevermind, you clueless idiot.

SH1: Get the hell out of my office. You are out of touch with Star Wars and the great direction we are headed in.

PO1: You are making a grave mistake.

SH1: Not financially. We are guaranteed a return on this investment.

PO1: No matter how bad the story and scripts are?

SH1: Yep. This is a business - hello. A corporation.

PO1: Oh. I thought it was art. My mistake. Peace.